It's been a great, long while...

I haven't written anything on here since I got married! It's not that nothing interesting has happened, but, I guess I just haven't had the time. When I'm not at work, I'm at home working, or playing with my family, when I get the chance to even do that :)

I miss having downtime, but I've also begun to love sewing again. There was a point where I hated it, and didn't want to do anything, so getting back into enjoying it, is nice. I'm trying to make sense of my work schedule and new position at work. I'm now the Education Coordinator, but just trying to make it work within my first three days, is a little tricky. I need to make this work for the store. And make some changes to how its presented so it becomes more popular!!

Along the life side, we took a road trip to Denver in April to see the family and for Lily's birthday, which was alot of fun :) she had a blast at the zoo and aquarium! Maybe I'll blog more on the family visit soon, and post pictures.

Getting back on our feet has been difficult, it seems like a constant choice between groceries, and bills. And then its dire and we freak out. With a the additional hours I've been clocking in at work, hopefully it will help us out more, and things won't be so "AHH" all the time. Because of how stressful its been, I recently went through a loss, something that wasn't planned or expected, and unknown until after it was lost. It's been affecting me more now than it initially did. I'm  not even really sure what to think about it, other than really upset. But nothing more can be done right now so... on to life!

Hopefully with these extra hours too, we'll finally be able to budget Internet into our bills! That would be nice..

At Last...

Things have been quiet on the blog-front, not much has been going on to really blog about, unless its for my designs. I've been sewing like a fiend! But there has been some news...

On October 10th, 2010, Adam and I got married. It was one of the best days of my life, even with all the stress leading up to it. We put it together in three weeks, I made my dress in five nights, his family helped out a ton and so did our friends. It was the best we could do in three weeks, and I think it was perfect for us.

The weather was perfect, and things got off to a late start... my hair took longer than anticipated, but it turned out great, and the day went off without a hitch.

Adam made the cake, which was a pumpkin cake with a candied cinnamon apple jam for filler, and cream cheese frosting, both vanilla and anise flavored. He also make chocolate "sugar" skulls for the cake topper. To finish, he decorated it with silk orange Lillie's and African Daises.

Adam wore his grandfathers three piece suit and a Halloween Orange tie with bats (so very his style!) and I wore my 1950's inspired dress with a corset top and full circle skirt over two petticoats.

My something borrowed was my mother-in-law's Veil, which worked perfectly with my dress, my something blue was a bracelet that Amber gave me, :) my something old was a pair of silver and diamond teardrop earrings that were my Father's Mother's, and my something new was the garter Madeline bought me :)

I had Madeline and Jezreel stand up with me, and Adam had Cyrus, Earl and Evan stand with him, and Bryan was our officiant. Our vows were beautiful, and the piece Bryan read for us was also very beautiful. Hopefully we can get a copy of it so we can put it in our memory book once we start that!

Lillian was a doll, uncooperative as usual :) but adorible! Amber made her dress, which turned out absolutely beautiful! The time and work she put into it, was amazing.



French fries, apples and Dragon Hollow

Today Lillian and I were going to go up with some friends to Garnet Ghost town for a walk/hike, but I woke up feeling a bit on the crummy side (being a woman has its downsides... once a month is hell, not for those around me, but for me. Stomach problems, sickness, icky.) So I opted to stay home and when I was feeling a little better, Adam's sister Amber, came over and spent some time with us, then we went downtown to Dragon Hollow. I've always thought it looked like fun, and boy is that an understatement. I wish there was a playground like THAT when I was young. Man. I would've had the best time there! With my over-active imagination... and even when I was little bit older too. In Denver when I would hang out with some of the kids from church, we'd go and play on playgrounds like hooligans. Fun times.

Lillian really enjoyed Dragon Hollow... she had so much fun going down the slides! Maybe one day after her dad gets off work, when its cooler weather we'll all have to go and play. It was SO hot today and I forgot sunscreen :( I hope I didn't let her get too much sun! I know I got a little burned, but not badly.

I haven't really kept up with posting on my personal blog, my design one takes up most of my writing-energy. But things are going well. Trying to keep busy with sewing projects to bring extra $$ to the household since I haven't been able to find a job. I got an email from job services about an assistant manager position at the mall. I may put in an application/resume just cause, but I doubt I'll get that one either. Bleh. They say they don't discriminate, but oh boy, do they.

She walks, she talks, she's a little fashionista. Lillian is growing up! Every day she adds new words to her vocab. She can clearly say "Bye", and when she wakes up from naps and in the morning, she'll pop right up and say "hi!" to me. She has her favorite foods, mostly fruit and cucumbers. She loves Mac n Cheese and spaghetti-o's, and of course, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. She loves Chinese and Pizza too. I think she's starting to self-wean, she's been nursing less and less, and barely, if even, before naps and bedtime. They only times she seems she really wants to nurse, is when she wakes up between 5 and 7am. I usually get her to go back down for a little bit by nursing. But maybe she'll be 100% weaned by September. My goal was 12 months, but 18 months is good too.

Tomorrow I'll be 25 and Adam will be 30. Crazy! I don't feel like we're that old. Right now we have no real plans for anything to do. That's okay though. We're rather boring lately, :)

"Underneath the surface, theres so much you need to know"

I haven't really been keeping up with posting here! :( I've been so busy with my other blog for "Miss Rip Redum" that I'd almost forgot about this one! But I haven't.

Lillian is growing up! She's running around, says "Hi". "Hello", "Please" and says "Yes" sometimes. She can say more than that, she just won't. She's pretty darn stubborn too! We're trying to wean, but its not going so well. She can cry for up to two hours in her crib before finally settling. It's hard... really hard for me. I just want to go in there and comfort her, but I know this needs to happen. I'm not 100% commited to doing it just yet, but we're working up to that.

I haven't found a job yet, so I'm really trying to push my sewing and design business. I have a few orders, but I don't know if it's going to be ongoing to the point where I can call it an actual business, make it legit and all that jazz.

"control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say"

So I have this theory about adulthood: it should be a requirement when you turn 21, to leave all the high-school drama hijinks's and behavior at the door. Snide remarks about those you "dislike", taking "sides" when friends have spats and holding onto old grudges should be checked at the door, never to be picked up again. Just throw away that ticket, or even better still: burn it. Then you should be handed a letter that says: Welcome to Adulthood! Where you get to put up with all the BS that you would've complained about just a year prior, but this time: you have to have a smile and let it roll off your back. Trust me, the less drama there is in life, the better it will be.

Maybe it's just me, maybe its because I feel like I've grown up so much, but holding onto such ways, and acting that way just seems so junior high to me. And writing about it could also be considered as such, but hey! I wanna write, and its my blog, so I'll do as I damn well please! :P and I'll use little "smileys" to show how I feel too. So. Nyah. (and that's my maturity level right there. I'm so grown up).

I've grown up alot in the last few years, trying to pin down bills, get into the habit of keeping money in the bank, having a beautiful baby girl, the light of Adam and I's life. A part of me misses working, but I love being able to be at home with her. And me not having a job isn't because I'm not looking: I've looked. Once employer's find out you have a young child, they pretty much just throw your application out. Even though that's discrimination, they still do it, and yet not a huge stink is raised about this issue, when it damn well should be. Equal opportunity employer's my ass.

On a happier note, Lillian is officially a walker! She doesn't really crawl to what she wants anymore (unless she's really tired.) It's awesome, but also a little bit sad. She's growing up so fast! Before we know it, she'll be on her cell phone, texting and ignoring us. Le sigh. We'll enjoy it while we can. Although, she's already not listening to us when we tell her no. Not good. She's so independant already. My little Lily-Bug... :)

"even if your hope has burned with time, anything that is dead shall be re-grown, and your vicious pain, your warning sign: you will be fine"

I'm not quite sure what to make of things lately. My family life is great. I'm happy in that. But I'm finding myself depressed. I've always suffered from depression at points in my life, but its starting to come back. In the fact that I can't seem to find a job, I'm not getting any custom orders (I haven't yet posted on eBay or Etsy yet so I don't know how well that will work, but I will be posting) and its starting to wear me down.

I'm trying to work through it, trying to keep myself busy. I have very few distraction from these feelings and emotions other than Adam and Miss Lily most days, and it gets a little hard. I've debated on even opening up about this in writing. I don't want to play the whole "pity me card". I just need an outlet. A place to vent. Adam and I have talked about it, he knows how I'm feeling.

I also feel like some people are avoiding me. And I'm not helping matters much. But I just feel like I'm that wallflower, sitting in the corner, keeping quiet but deep down wishing someone would ask me to do something. Story of my life though. I was always the quiet wall-flower. Not much has changed in ten years I suppose. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but there are some things that you just can't change about a person. Hehe.

In more exciting and not so depressing news! Miss Lillian is trying her best to start walking. She takes two to three steps at a time toward something she really wants. Be it mommy or daddy, or one of the cats, or a toy she's eyeing. She's awesome at standing and sitting down carefully. She's talking and understanding you, responding and all that. Lily is an amazing little girl. We are so blessed. Lily and her father are the lights of my life.

I think I should try to go to bed before 3am tonight. It's been hard making it there lately..

"Hand in hand watching meteors and stars on the midnight sky"

Things haven't been too exciting around home lately... just kinda the norm. I never heard back from JoAnns, which really got me down. I was fairly certain since I had previous experience at a JoAnn's, plus all my sewing experience, I would've had it in the bag. But, its been a few weeks now. Next time I go in, I may ask them if they've even started calling for interviews...

Mother's Day was nice, :) quiet. But thats a good thing. We had a family night and ate manicotti, one of my favorites. I got a Dollhouse puzzle which I put together rather quick (I couldn't stop!) and some jewelry. I went with Shirley (Adam's mother) to a new bead-stores grand opening on friday night and we made earrings and looked at amazing beads and charms. That store I fear, will become addicting! I did get an inquiry on the earrings I made, looks like I may be selling pairs similiar to them :)

Lillian is ever growing... stubborn. Today every five minutes, one word came out of my mouth: no. She wanted to bang her juice on the tv stand, she wanted to play with the dvds, wanted to play on the fish-tank stand (which is anchored to the wall, but still), wanted to eat, didn't want to eat, kept signaling she was ready for a nap, but then wouldn't take one. Being a mother, while amazing, is confusing and at times stressful. I did, however manage to get quite a bit of work done. How does that work? I now have three corsets ready to be posted and sold. I just need to get good pictures of them before I do.

I need to get good pictures of all my creations. A friend is working on a website design for me and pictures will be needed! So I need to stop being lazy... well, its not so much that I'm lazy so much as finding the time for it is a little hard. Miss Lily takes up most of my time, but thats okay. I love her.

And I really should get to bed. I've been staying up way too late these last few weeks. I've been suffering from a case of insomnia. Sigh.