"even if your hope has burned with time, anything that is dead shall be re-grown, and your vicious pain, your warning sign: you will be fine"

I'm not quite sure what to make of things lately. My family life is great. I'm happy in that. But I'm finding myself depressed. I've always suffered from depression at points in my life, but its starting to come back. In the fact that I can't seem to find a job, I'm not getting any custom orders (I haven't yet posted on eBay or Etsy yet so I don't know how well that will work, but I will be posting) and its starting to wear me down.

I'm trying to work through it, trying to keep myself busy. I have very few distraction from these feelings and emotions other than Adam and Miss Lily most days, and it gets a little hard. I've debated on even opening up about this in writing. I don't want to play the whole "pity me card". I just need an outlet. A place to vent. Adam and I have talked about it, he knows how I'm feeling.

I also feel like some people are avoiding me. And I'm not helping matters much. But I just feel like I'm that wallflower, sitting in the corner, keeping quiet but deep down wishing someone would ask me to do something. Story of my life though. I was always the quiet wall-flower. Not much has changed in ten years I suppose. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but there are some things that you just can't change about a person. Hehe.

In more exciting and not so depressing news! Miss Lillian is trying her best to start walking. She takes two to three steps at a time toward something she really wants. Be it mommy or daddy, or one of the cats, or a toy she's eyeing. She's awesome at standing and sitting down carefully. She's talking and understanding you, responding and all that. Lily is an amazing little girl. We are so blessed. Lily and her father are the lights of my life.

I think I should try to go to bed before 3am tonight. It's been hard making it there lately..