At Last...

Things have been quiet on the blog-front, not much has been going on to really blog about, unless its for my designs. I've been sewing like a fiend! But there has been some news...

On October 10th, 2010, Adam and I got married. It was one of the best days of my life, even with all the stress leading up to it. We put it together in three weeks, I made my dress in five nights, his family helped out a ton and so did our friends. It was the best we could do in three weeks, and I think it was perfect for us.

The weather was perfect, and things got off to a late start... my hair took longer than anticipated, but it turned out great, and the day went off without a hitch.

Adam made the cake, which was a pumpkin cake with a candied cinnamon apple jam for filler, and cream cheese frosting, both vanilla and anise flavored. He also make chocolate "sugar" skulls for the cake topper. To finish, he decorated it with silk orange Lillie's and African Daises.

Adam wore his grandfathers three piece suit and a Halloween Orange tie with bats (so very his style!) and I wore my 1950's inspired dress with a corset top and full circle skirt over two petticoats.

My something borrowed was my mother-in-law's Veil, which worked perfectly with my dress, my something blue was a bracelet that Amber gave me, :) my something old was a pair of silver and diamond teardrop earrings that were my Father's Mother's, and my something new was the garter Madeline bought me :)

I had Madeline and Jezreel stand up with me, and Adam had Cyrus, Earl and Evan stand with him, and Bryan was our officiant. Our vows were beautiful, and the piece Bryan read for us was also very beautiful. Hopefully we can get a copy of it so we can put it in our memory book once we start that!

Lillian was a doll, uncooperative as usual :) but adorible! Amber made her dress, which turned out absolutely beautiful! The time and work she put into it, was amazing.



French fries, apples and Dragon Hollow

Today Lillian and I were going to go up with some friends to Garnet Ghost town for a walk/hike, but I woke up feeling a bit on the crummy side (being a woman has its downsides... once a month is hell, not for those around me, but for me. Stomach problems, sickness, icky.) So I opted to stay home and when I was feeling a little better, Adam's sister Amber, came over and spent some time with us, then we went downtown to Dragon Hollow. I've always thought it looked like fun, and boy is that an understatement. I wish there was a playground like THAT when I was young. Man. I would've had the best time there! With my over-active imagination... and even when I was little bit older too. In Denver when I would hang out with some of the kids from church, we'd go and play on playgrounds like hooligans. Fun times.

Lillian really enjoyed Dragon Hollow... she had so much fun going down the slides! Maybe one day after her dad gets off work, when its cooler weather we'll all have to go and play. It was SO hot today and I forgot sunscreen :( I hope I didn't let her get too much sun! I know I got a little burned, but not badly.

I haven't really kept up with posting on my personal blog, my design one takes up most of my writing-energy. But things are going well. Trying to keep busy with sewing projects to bring extra $$ to the household since I haven't been able to find a job. I got an email from job services about an assistant manager position at the mall. I may put in an application/resume just cause, but I doubt I'll get that one either. Bleh. They say they don't discriminate, but oh boy, do they.

She walks, she talks, she's a little fashionista. Lillian is growing up! Every day she adds new words to her vocab. She can clearly say "Bye", and when she wakes up from naps and in the morning, she'll pop right up and say "hi!" to me. She has her favorite foods, mostly fruit and cucumbers. She loves Mac n Cheese and spaghetti-o's, and of course, hot dogs and chicken nuggets. She loves Chinese and Pizza too. I think she's starting to self-wean, she's been nursing less and less, and barely, if even, before naps and bedtime. They only times she seems she really wants to nurse, is when she wakes up between 5 and 7am. I usually get her to go back down for a little bit by nursing. But maybe she'll be 100% weaned by September. My goal was 12 months, but 18 months is good too.

Tomorrow I'll be 25 and Adam will be 30. Crazy! I don't feel like we're that old. Right now we have no real plans for anything to do. That's okay though. We're rather boring lately, :)

"Underneath the surface, theres so much you need to know"

I haven't really been keeping up with posting here! :( I've been so busy with my other blog for "Miss Rip Redum" that I'd almost forgot about this one! But I haven't.

Lillian is growing up! She's running around, says "Hi". "Hello", "Please" and says "Yes" sometimes. She can say more than that, she just won't. She's pretty darn stubborn too! We're trying to wean, but its not going so well. She can cry for up to two hours in her crib before finally settling. It's hard... really hard for me. I just want to go in there and comfort her, but I know this needs to happen. I'm not 100% commited to doing it just yet, but we're working up to that.

I haven't found a job yet, so I'm really trying to push my sewing and design business. I have a few orders, but I don't know if it's going to be ongoing to the point where I can call it an actual business, make it legit and all that jazz.

"control your poison babe, roses have thorns they say"

So I have this theory about adulthood: it should be a requirement when you turn 21, to leave all the high-school drama hijinks's and behavior at the door. Snide remarks about those you "dislike", taking "sides" when friends have spats and holding onto old grudges should be checked at the door, never to be picked up again. Just throw away that ticket, or even better still: burn it. Then you should be handed a letter that says: Welcome to Adulthood! Where you get to put up with all the BS that you would've complained about just a year prior, but this time: you have to have a smile and let it roll off your back. Trust me, the less drama there is in life, the better it will be.

Maybe it's just me, maybe its because I feel like I've grown up so much, but holding onto such ways, and acting that way just seems so junior high to me. And writing about it could also be considered as such, but hey! I wanna write, and its my blog, so I'll do as I damn well please! :P and I'll use little "smileys" to show how I feel too. So. Nyah. (and that's my maturity level right there. I'm so grown up).

I've grown up alot in the last few years, trying to pin down bills, get into the habit of keeping money in the bank, having a beautiful baby girl, the light of Adam and I's life. A part of me misses working, but I love being able to be at home with her. And me not having a job isn't because I'm not looking: I've looked. Once employer's find out you have a young child, they pretty much just throw your application out. Even though that's discrimination, they still do it, and yet not a huge stink is raised about this issue, when it damn well should be. Equal opportunity employer's my ass.

On a happier note, Lillian is officially a walker! She doesn't really crawl to what she wants anymore (unless she's really tired.) It's awesome, but also a little bit sad. She's growing up so fast! Before we know it, she'll be on her cell phone, texting and ignoring us. Le sigh. We'll enjoy it while we can. Although, she's already not listening to us when we tell her no. Not good. She's so independant already. My little Lily-Bug... :)

"even if your hope has burned with time, anything that is dead shall be re-grown, and your vicious pain, your warning sign: you will be fine"

I'm not quite sure what to make of things lately. My family life is great. I'm happy in that. But I'm finding myself depressed. I've always suffered from depression at points in my life, but its starting to come back. In the fact that I can't seem to find a job, I'm not getting any custom orders (I haven't yet posted on eBay or Etsy yet so I don't know how well that will work, but I will be posting) and its starting to wear me down.

I'm trying to work through it, trying to keep myself busy. I have very few distraction from these feelings and emotions other than Adam and Miss Lily most days, and it gets a little hard. I've debated on even opening up about this in writing. I don't want to play the whole "pity me card". I just need an outlet. A place to vent. Adam and I have talked about it, he knows how I'm feeling.

I also feel like some people are avoiding me. And I'm not helping matters much. But I just feel like I'm that wallflower, sitting in the corner, keeping quiet but deep down wishing someone would ask me to do something. Story of my life though. I was always the quiet wall-flower. Not much has changed in ten years I suppose. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but there are some things that you just can't change about a person. Hehe.

In more exciting and not so depressing news! Miss Lillian is trying her best to start walking. She takes two to three steps at a time toward something she really wants. Be it mommy or daddy, or one of the cats, or a toy she's eyeing. She's awesome at standing and sitting down carefully. She's talking and understanding you, responding and all that. Lily is an amazing little girl. We are so blessed. Lily and her father are the lights of my life.

I think I should try to go to bed before 3am tonight. It's been hard making it there lately..

"Hand in hand watching meteors and stars on the midnight sky"

Things haven't been too exciting around home lately... just kinda the norm. I never heard back from JoAnns, which really got me down. I was fairly certain since I had previous experience at a JoAnn's, plus all my sewing experience, I would've had it in the bag. But, its been a few weeks now. Next time I go in, I may ask them if they've even started calling for interviews...

Mother's Day was nice, :) quiet. But thats a good thing. We had a family night and ate manicotti, one of my favorites. I got a Dollhouse puzzle which I put together rather quick (I couldn't stop!) and some jewelry. I went with Shirley (Adam's mother) to a new bead-stores grand opening on friday night and we made earrings and looked at amazing beads and charms. That store I fear, will become addicting! I did get an inquiry on the earrings I made, looks like I may be selling pairs similiar to them :)

Lillian is ever growing... stubborn. Today every five minutes, one word came out of my mouth: no. She wanted to bang her juice on the tv stand, she wanted to play with the dvds, wanted to play on the fish-tank stand (which is anchored to the wall, but still), wanted to eat, didn't want to eat, kept signaling she was ready for a nap, but then wouldn't take one. Being a mother, while amazing, is confusing and at times stressful. I did, however manage to get quite a bit of work done. How does that work? I now have three corsets ready to be posted and sold. I just need to get good pictures of them before I do.

I need to get good pictures of all my creations. A friend is working on a website design for me and pictures will be needed! So I need to stop being lazy... well, its not so much that I'm lazy so much as finding the time for it is a little hard. Miss Lily takes up most of my time, but thats okay. I love her.

And I really should get to bed. I've been staying up way too late these last few weeks. I've been suffering from a case of insomnia. Sigh.

"leather and jeans, we'd be so fantastical"

So. We've determined that this time around, I probably have the flu. Why? My back is hurting like crazy. UGH. Adam even popped my back for me and its still hurting! It helped for a little bit though.

So no staying up until 5am tonight. Not that I did it on purpose. I just couldn't fall asleep! I tossed, turned, rolled over, drank water, watched TCM and tried passing out so many times. Didn't manage it until finally 5am. And Lily woke up at 6am and wanted in bed with us. But thats okay. We napped quite a bit today. She was a trooper. I spent most of my time laying on the couch while Adam was at work and she managed to not get into too much trouble. A few "no"s here and there prevented that.

Tonight I tried getting some work done... but after a few rather wet (icky!) sneezes, I decided it was best to not work right now. I wrote out what I need to finish before I can start working on other projects. I will take orders, but nothing else. Though right now I'm really wanting to start a new 18th century corset for me :P

"next phase, next craze, next nothing new"

So I'm sick. Again. This is what, the third time in the last month and a half? What's up with that? Is the universe trying to tell me something? The last three me-day's I've had, I've wanted to clean house and get work done on corsets, and the last three me-day's I've had, I've ended up on the couch like a vegetable trying to feel better. I did manage to get some hand-sewing work done today. But not much.

I dropped an application off at JoAnn's on wednesday. Adam's parent's would be able to watch Miss Lillian for a little bit until he got off work so I could work evenings. I kinda hope I get this job. My UI benefits will be running out here on May 12th. I will apply for the third tier of UI beni's, but theres no idea of knowing if I'd actually get it. Not with all the changes in government these days. One day its all gravy, the next, congress doesn't know about emergency UI. Make up your minds!

I believe my chances are good however. I worked at a JoAnn's in Denver and I really loved it there. Plus, 13+ years of active sewing experience and fabric knowledge. Fingers crossed!

I'm slightly irritated. My replacement die's haven't arrived for my grommet setter. And so far no one in town sells Home Pro tools. I checked out one of the local scrapbooking specialty stores and they hadn't even heard of it! So far it looks like I'm going to have to order everything for it online. And 2pc grommets are wicked expensive! I'm thinking of saving up $60 and buying a bag of 1000 2pc grommets on eBay. I'd have enough for awhile!

On Wednesday we had Lillian's 1 year well child check! She looks great :) 30" long,  20lbs 8oz weight. She crawls all over the place! She hasn't tried walking yet, but free-stands all the time. Her birthday was alot of fun. She got's lots of swag from friends and family and really loved the kids that came to her party.

With her gift cards we went to Target and found her a few toys, and a "cube"/table for her to store toys in the living room. And she can put her other toys up on it to play. We were aiming for an activity table, but we spotted a few other things she was more interested in, and found this bright pink cube for $5 on clearance!! And since I had a little bit extra, we also found BOOKSHELVES that were originally $30+ for $5 and $8!!! So we spent a bit on us so we could nab those up. I wanted a tall bookshelf in the bedroom to store my books and our "R" rated movies so Lily doesn't get into those.

"I'm waiting for the night drifting away on the waves of my dreams to another day"

The last few days have been a mix of stressed, fun filled and confusing.

Yesterday was Lillian's first birthday and we woke up to no power. Now, I had a payment arrangement with the power company and they showed on my bills how much was due on a certain date along side my current charges. But on my last two bills, this was absent, so, I thought I was caught up. Apparently not. So yesterday was a race to borrow money so we could get the power turned back on, then when it wasn't back on by 6pm, I called to find out if they could send someone out, but they wanted to charge us $150, in cash, for them to send someone out to us. I was resolved to not have power last night because we didn't have the money in the first place to pay the remaining balance to get it turned back on. But I recieved a call while we were at JoAnn's (I was picking up a job application... yay, I may have a job soon!) and we rushed home so they could turn it back on. We chatted with the really awesome man and then enjoyed our night of power.

Another horrid thing happened yesterday, I fell while holding Lillian. Somehow, I managed to hold her just right to where she didn't get hurt. Her head did graze the floor slightly, but it wasn't even a tap apparently. She has no bruise, no egg, not even a sore spot. But I scraped my elbow, banged up my knee and did something to my hip. Last night my knee was aching, today its my hip. Great. More hip problems. After my car accident two years ago, all I needed was another thing to happen to my hips. But all in all, I am so grateful that nothing happened to Lily. I felt awful, but it seemed she just got really scared.

On Sunday we had Lillian's birthday party, which had a great turn out! About 3/4 of the people we invited showed up, so that was awesome. And Lily was an absolute princess. She was so social and happy. She got a little fussy toward the end, but she had a busy day, without a nap! She got on great with Cashton and my friend Alexa's Lily. It was super cute, :)

She got great gifts and I need to get some thank you cards put together and send those out.

Adam and I have been talking about having another tiki themed party, but this time for our birthday. Since it'll be late summer and still perfect weather for a BBQ, I think we might try for it. We haven't done much for our birthday the last two years, but we may try to do something this year. We set up the gazebo and we have tons of the party decorations stil. Good to reuse that stuff!  If we do have this party, hopefully I'll have lost more weight and I can make my dress. I have a pattern in mind, and I already have the fabric I'd like to use.

On my weight loss progress, I've officially lost about 16lbs, then Lillian's party with cake and junk food set me back about 2...  Meghan! We need to go walking! :) I'd like to try and walk every other day. Weather pending. I think Lillian and I may start to go later in the day (post 4pm so the sun isn't as strong) and power walk down the bike paths by the river downtown. Get the iPod set up, stroller and coast along. Lily loves walks. I'd love to go with others, but sometimes schedules don't work out. I need to also start using the time she takes naps to use my workout dvds and weights so I can start toning up. I really need to work out the left-over pregnancy belly. And I really want smaller/toned arms :( I've never had that. And I want it.

"Tragic comedy devine, paints the way to piece of mind, leaving shallow lovers far behind"

I haven't made any posts on here recently. But thats okay. Not a whole bunch of exciting things have happened. I found out that I won't be getting a return from the state because Montana is one of the states that doesn't tax UI benefits.

....

So the $200 I was hoping for to use to pay my car registration, is not coming. Really crappy. I was hoping to be able to buy a ticket for Adam to fly down to Denver if Lily and I get to go, but, now that can't happen. It's really dissapointing. I only got $26 back from the state and that was applied to the $76 I owed the state so, now I only have to pay $50 or so at the end of this month and then that will be cleared up. And the $300 from the IRS went to what I owed them, so instead of owing them $800, I now only owe $500. Which is nice. But still a load of BS. I think that my former job should have aided me more in that, seeing as it was their error, and not mine. I only put 1 on my W4, not 4. How they saw "4" from a "1", I do not know.

My setter that I was waiting so anxiously for arrived in the mail today. I opened it like a child on Christmas morning, so excited, only to discover! The dies for setting grommets, there are supposed to be two different pieces, the top and the bottom die... but alas, both were the top dies.

....

Whats up with the bad luck lately? Kinda sucks. It's really unnerving.

"they will not control us, we will be victorious"

I haven't posted on here for a little bit, and this will be a short one because I need to go feed my baby! I had a table at the last DD even here in town, got alot of interest, but made no sales... people don't have money! But now that some know there is a local who does Corsets, hopefully that will bring more in...

I'm hoping to have a table at the next one as well... with more product too! I think the next one will be at or during MisCon so people might have money :P that would be nice!

Off to feed a hungry baby. She's screaming at me...

"She'll knock you out with her undead eyes; Your psychobilly Bride of Frankenstein"

The last couple of days I've been a busy busy bee! I've got four corsets near completion for next friday (one of which is mine, but hey, its still four!) and I've got two more to finish. I'm really excited about potentially selling some stuff... and Adam's going to make another skeleton hand/heart necklace that will be for sale as well.

Lillian has been sick the last few days... which has been hard. I feel so bad for the little booger =( she was running a fever of 101.3 yesterday, but it dropped, thankfully! Today was she was just so tired and cranky. She had happy moments, but for the most part she would start crying if I even turned around!

My friend Meg and I have been going on "power" walks. She's helping me in the whole "losing weight" catagory. I just need to get some good walking shoes. Vans really aren't good for exercise. Not a soft enough sole! So maybe if I sell a few things I'll invest in a good pair. Maybe those fancy onces that are supposed to encourage toning and all that... Hmm.

I've found a corset that I want to make. It's a historcal corset, probably 16th or 17th century style. I'm going to make it out of faux leather and embelish it with rivets. Maybe a buckle or two. If I keep it, it will be my new pirate corset, but if I sell it, it won't be less than $300, and it will be a one of a kind. But we'll see. I found it on a google search just looking for 18th century corsets and this popped up. It's not really 18th century, but damn, its a good lookin' piece. I fell in love with it. I could just picture it in "leather" with silver rivets. Yum.

"Words, playing me deja vu, like a radio tune I swear I've heard before"

Last night Duran Duran's "Come Undone" came on the radio and Lily started singing and dancing along to it and it just reminded me of the awesome music that was played at The Shelter in Denver. I really miss dancing to good music! Going dancing here at the Dark Dreams event's is almost depressing. They play nothing that carrys a real beat that you can get lost in. That's what dancing and going out is for me: getting lost in the music and the moment, letting the world fall away so you can just release and let everything go. I should post up a playlist of a "Night at the Shelter". That should be an event here in Missoula. I'd DJ it, haha.

Today I was productive... I made both lunch and dinner for Adam and Lily, folded laundry, cleaned out my car (it desperately needed it!) and I cut out two corsets tonight. I have an aim to get them finished by next friday. Will I be able to swing it? Who knows! We'll see. I've got enough steel to do it. It's just finding the time to run the sewing machine really.

I'm so pleased, and I'm probably jinxing it as I say this, but Lily went to bed at 8:30pm, its now 10:30pm. She hasn't woken up! She slept in her crib from 5am til 10am this morning when we woke up. Hopefully we're past the stage of her not wanting to sleep in her crib! Fingers crossed!

Starting tomorrow, at 9am on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, I'll be getting up to go power-walk with my friend Meg. I'm getting really serious about losing weight. This isn't just for my self esteem, but for my health and for my daughters self-image. I don't want her to grow up seeing her own mother hate her body and constantly have breakdowns about weight. I want to be happy and healthy. Today I was happy because when I stepped on the scale, it was a smaller number than I expected. We'll see how it works out. In a few weeks I'm going to not just keep track of weight, but of my measurements too. Measure once a week and keep it down in a notebook. I ate a lot less today at meals, and had small snacks inbetween meals. I just need to up my water in take. Probably my fluid in take in general. I'm really bad about fluids.

So, the two corsets I cut out today are in the "Bella" style that I recently came up with the design for. Both are one-of-a-kinds. One will be black satin with black mesh with red rose overlay, and the other is an ice blue with a pretty white mesh overlay with flower detail. Both will be for sale!!

...My daughter is so tired she just woke up, then plopped right back down in her crib. Tomorrow we're getting up at 7am to take her daddy to work so we can have the car! Tomorrow will be an interesting day with her, maybe she'll go down at 8pm...? Maybe.

"Lay your pretty head to rest: this nightmares close to being over; welcome to the world of the undead"

So I've hit this wall right now. Not a real one, a figurative one. I'm in a slump. After possibly nearly one hundred (there's a possibility I'm exaggerating a bit...) of my business cards were handed out, I've yet to have a phone call. Not one. Nothing about my corsets or custom clothes. My models are interested in my stuff, but that could just be because I make items for them to wear and buy at a discounted price. Could be...

And thats not the only wall I've hit. I gained back the 2lbs I lost. Damnit. I'm really starting to get sick of this whole weight issue. Seriously. Here's a huge deep dark secret of mine: I used to be anorexic. And I'm severely tempted to do it once again so I can lose 40lbs in 4 weeks. That's how I lost 30lbs a few years ago. Just stopped eating for 3 weeks and the weight just fell off. But I can't do that. I'm breastfeeding a little girl, and I can't afford to ruin myself like that with a daughter to look after. That and Adam cooks damn good food.

So I need to be strong. I need to force myself to work out more... better, whatever. I need to get on a strict plan and stick to it. It's really hard for me. It's either one way or the other for me: no eating, or over-eating. It's a big problem and I'll need help getting through this. Maybe I should start a weight loss blog or something. Heh. Who knows. I need to do a full-body de-tox though. And go on a sugar-free diet to boot.

And oh my goodness, the kid who plays Sam from Supernatural is in this lame movie thats on MTV... I think its House of Wax, haha. Stupid tv. Nothing is ever on, but the cable is free, so who's to complain?

At the end of April, Adam, Lillian and I may be taking a trip to Denver to visit family. But we'll see. If we can land cheap tickets, it would be nice for us to get out of town, even just for a couple days. We'd go to the Zoo and the Aquarium. Yay. Always fun to do that!

Lillian's birthday is coming up right fast... April 26th! What to do? I have no idea how to plan a birthday party. I've debated on having a huge BBQ, and having a small one with family and some close friends. Ideas anyone?

On-And-Off-Again Inspired...

So... I've been inspired to sew, and inspired to sit on my ass as of late. I need to get crackin'. I've got six corsets started (two of which are ones for me... BAD RIP!) a skirt and a few 18th century gowns... which the latter probably won't be sold. I need to make one to sell. I have this Mint green material I think I'll make one to sell out of... since mint green and me? Don't really mix all too well.

This is my most recent finished item... for sale... its a "Bella" style corset and its pretty! I'd love to keep it, but, I need to start selling. Hopefully within the week it will be posted on either eBay or Etsy, which, I haven't decided.

Fake!

This is just a fake entry... because I don't have time to blog quite yet! But, this blog will be dedicated to my family life, my business side (if I ever get it started!) and to projects I'm currently working on. Yay! Hopefully I'll start updating regularly!